is the unluckiest person alive in the wasteland
. While others at least get the blessing of death from their bad luck, Dave is destined to live a life of misery. According to Dave, "shit happens" and it always happens to him. He recounts about the first twenty years of his life, with something awful happening about once a year, including his uncle being decapitated by a watermelon
, his sister being killed by a pack of dogs
, his grandparents committing suicide because of Dave's ugliness and a testicular fungus that rendered him impotent. He was brought to Vault 13
by intelligent deathclaw
, and, with his luck, is expecting to be eaten any day now.