Do you think that life's supposed to be some pretty picture without any misery in it? Life IS misery! Misery, and whatever the Hell we decide to do about it! Coping! Loving! Screwing! Hating! Taking chances! Boring people! Bashing assholes! Making friends with other assholes! Running away from your mistakes! Facing your mistakes! Radiation! Having kids and doing the same thing over again, sometimes better, sometimes worse! That is life, man! It's like being drunk; look at it one way, and it's a piss poor embarrassment! Look at it a different way and it feels great! But it's all the same thing! It's all life!
Found on the second level of the Cathedral tower, Dane is a big, strong, burly man who happens to be clinically insane. He was a prime candidate for inclusion into the Master's army, but following a failed dipping, his mind became permanently unhinged. Subsequent surgeries and indoctrination merely spread the marbles even farther out.[1] In technical terms, he appears to suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder. The latter manifests as two distinct personalities: The harmless Dane and the violent, profanity-spewing Dark Dane.
Dane spends his time rambling in his room, though he is still technically a high level member of the Children of the Cathedral. Between bouts of insanity he has periods of remarkable lucidity, giving insight into the inner workings of the Unity.
Interactions with the player character[]
Interactions overview[]
This character has no special interactions.
Other interactions[]
If interacted with repeatedly, Dane will reach a point where he can be talked to properly.
Collected ravings[]
Note: Dark Dane is marked in bold.
"Didn't we just meet? Have you come to kill me?"
"I know fathers aren't supposed to hug their sons, but I love you, dad!"
"Master, was this what I was supposed to become, Master?"
"There ain't nothin' like a Dane.."
"What's your favorite color, friend? Mine is milk!"
"You're an idiot, Dane. They're going to kill you soon and you deserve it! Weakling! Weakling!"
"Mother, did you think they'd drop a bomb?"
"They did it with grace and such aplomb!"
"My name is Dane, it is not Tom!"
"Your poetry sucks, man! It sucks! Sucks! Sucks!"
"I like Mr. Handy! I want to have sex with his cute little hands . . ."
"I'm crazy. I've gone crazy. Oh my god, I have gone completely nuts! Think about peace! Think about Unity!"
"I want a horse! I need a horse! Bring me a horse, dammit! A horse!"
"They're watching us even now! Mr. Nightkin! Felix and Timothy! Cats! Dogs! Nightkin!"
"Shut up! They'll think you're a crazy asshole! You gotta get yourself together!"
"Lasher! You gotta kill Lasher! Save the kid! Poor little Flower Child. Poor me."
"Shut up you son of a bitch! Pull yourself together!"
"[Singing off-key] Once, I was lost, and now I see! No more baptism now for me!"
"You know, I once overheard Morpheus shaking his fist at Nightkin. Or did I smell it?"
"You're fools to cry for me. Never cry over spilled milk . . . or damaged goods."
"Does anyone know how to fix a toaster?"
"Of course they do, idiot! It's your head they can't fix, you son of a bitch!"
"It's the guns, you asshole! Gunpowder is intelligent and evil and controls your brain! The more gunpowder that's near you, the crazier you become! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!"
" . . . I just want to set the world on fiiiiiiiyaaah!!!"
"You wanna rassle? I used to be real good at it . . . until the Nightkin beat me. Took two of them, though. Nightkin are real strong!"
"They're mutants, you fool! Of course they're strong!"
"So are penguins. And gyro buffalo. They shoot them out of great big bison guns. You gotta watch out for those buffalo women. They'll drop a bison on you so fast, you won't know what hit you! Ha!"
"Don't I know you from somewhere? Does your brain hurt, too?"
"Of course you know him, Dane, you idiot! (S)He's our enemy! (S)He must be destroyed!"
"Don't mind him, he's an asshole. I love you. Do you love me?"
"I used to live in Penticton, British Columbia. Or maybe I saw it on a map of the old days. Those were good old days. Wish I'd been alive back then . . ."
"Aren't you tired of talking with me? Hasn't this just been incredibly tedious?"
"Aren't you tired of talking with yourself, you schizo bastard?"
"I hate myself. I want to die, but you're counting on me. Counting on me to say something that makes all of my bullshit mean something! Something important!"
"Why can't I be the important one for a change?"
"MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"I'm bored. What's worse, I've been screwed over. It isn't fun anymore. You ever got the feeling you were just strings and they didn't bother to hang you? I'm all over the floor!"
"MOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOOO!"
"'Enough with the brahmin! You'll start smelling like them! Then everyone will just puke!"
"I used to be insane, you know, until I went through the Servitor process. I used to be insane, but now I'm just in pieces. Pieces! Pieces!"
"Son of a bitch, I'm a puzzle! Will you help me put myself together?"
"I can't believe someone's still talking with me . . ."
"It's all a game, you see. A game, and I'm one of the pieces. And a kid got real angry, and so he started stepping on me. Step and step and step and step, and finally I just broke!"
"Maybe they'll scoop out my brain! Scoop out my brain and turn me into their pet! Here, Dane! Catch the ball, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Sic 'em, Dane! Execute them, you brain-dead dog!"
"Why do you think they call him Master?"
"Life sucks, but death sucks worse, and we can't go back in time to stop our birth, so what's the point?"
"I think they get the point, asshole! They know the Servitor process screws you! They know this 'baptism machine' just messes . . ."
"My name is Dane. I am a Viking. I like ducks. I rape and pillage! Will you rape and pillage with me?"
"Oh God! Master, not God! At least I remember my own name. At least I still have that. Most of the other failures didn't, before they shot them. Not pretty corpses either. Nightkin target practice!"
"And then there were the ones who lost their minds completely. I wish they were dead."
"I think I'll call my first child Fallout. I had a son once, but the radiation ate him in his mommy's womb."
"Asshole! You just laughed! You didn't give a shit about him or his mother before!"
"Mutants can't breed. And we're all going to become mutants! Don't you know what that means! The world will be sterile! Sterile! Sterile! We won't breed! We'll all die!"
"Stop him! Stop him! Stop him! Somebody make him stop!"
"Master! I shouldn't have said anything. I heard the Nightkin crying and I felt sorry for it."
"What is evil? Evil is when good gets completely screwed up! Evil is when brave people can't be brave anymore! Evil is an anagram of vile! There's got to be a moral standard somewhere!"
"Shut up, asshole! Moral standards! It sure as Hell ain't here!"
"You know, I used to think religion was a noble calling, and maybe it is; but you can't walk into it blindly, or they'll take control of your brain."
". . . zombies are a disgrace to God, you know."
"But why does God make people who break so easily?"
"I think I can finally answer some questions now. Sorry it took so long."
"I want a horse! I need a horse! Bring me a horse, dammit! A horse!" is a reference to a similar line from Shakespeare's Richard III, "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!".
"Mother, did you think they'd drop a bomb?" is a reference to Pink Floyd song Mother, changed to reflect the facts.
"Does anyone know how to fix a toaster" is a reference to wasteland's toaster repair skill gag
Bugs[]
Dane is not scripted properly and will only display the last line of dialogue. The Review button allows the player to see the entire rant.
↑Dane: "{198}{}{Dumped me in chemicals, filled me full of holes, played loud noises for me. That sort of shit. Tried to make me into something I'm not. Parents do that all the time.}" (DANE.MSG)
